TC the Terrible

Here I am again.  Told you the next installment would be on time.  Yesterday I said I wasn’t trying to get rid of who I am and become something totally different.

Instead I’m hell bent to be a better version of me in 360 something days.  What does that entail?  It means trusting my instincts more.  It means that I’m not worried about whose feelings get hurt, or which heart I break as long as I’m Just when I do the right and just thing.

It means that I’ve done denying the feral side of me.  It’s screaming to be fed.  I let go of the leash for a quick minute before the year ended and know now that it needs to be off its chain more.  Nothing is better than standing over you’re last feast – knowing that it is only a prelude to the next.  It means I’m giving in to it.  I’m embracing it.

But it’s more than relishing in the dark corners of me.  This year is about more than taking the polish off the smooth places and making them rough again.  It’s about expanding beyond the objectivism view of Ayn Rand and imploding the myth of the nice guy.  Life fully lived – that’s the theme.

It’s drinking not to be drunk, but drinking because drinking is good.  It’s about knowing the last half of my life is what I’ve been preparing for these past 46 years.  This is the year the world gets what’s coming to it.  It’s getting what it deserves.

This year is different.  It’s about defying gravity.  It’s about the crescendo that shatters the speakers and blows out the car’s back windows.  It’s about the sun exploding from my chest.  It’s about the people I love being able to count on me.  This year is about making those around me better.

It’s not just the road less traveled, but the road that needs to be traveled.  This is the year that I pave that road for weaker mortals.  It’s the year that I demand the men around me start giving a damn about something more than their careers and bank accounts.  It’s finally time.

It’s about defying gravity.  Everyone deserves a chance to fly.

Gone and back again.  Wasn’t that the working title for Bilbo’s book?  And if it was/wasn’t, does anybody still care?

Another year is in the books.  Not that it really matters because like the man said there’s no rest for the wicked.  Or the Terrible for that matter.  Some of us are fated to tumble from crisis to crisis and only slow down long enough to have our first “cardiac episode”.  Not that I’ve slowed down for that one yet and don’t plan to, but when’s the last time anyone actually planned for that one?  Hell, I’m just glad that I’ve stayed a step or two ahead of it.

I can’t fall into the school of thought that says 2011 is a blank slate.  You drag your psychological Samsonite behind us wherever you go. Can’t just pull a Don Draper and walk away from who you are and become a different person.  And even if you could, would you really want to?  Hell no.  I don’t know about you, but I put an shit ton of work into becoming me.  I’m not about to toss all that effort out the window like it was wasted.  It wasn’t.

Basically I’m stepping up.  Not stepping aside.

Part II tomorrow.  Promise.

Time for a long form Christmas rant?  Nah, not this year.  This year is a big time improvement over the past Christmas season.  Last year I was getting ready to walk out the door and into Iraq.  And don’t let the main stream media’s coverage fool you.  Iraq is still one dangerous place to be. So yeah, this is going to be a better Christmas.

The family’s coming to town en masse and we’ve got a grandkid for the first time.  Sounds like a perfect time to get drunk and be somebody.  Family drama isn’t my forte’ so there’d better not be any.  Unless you’re one of those positively happy people that believe family drama is an expression of family love.  For the record, if drama is indeed a measure of love then I’m worshiped like a Greek god.

Not sure how much sex and booze it’s going to take to get through all this family “love”.  But I’ll try to remember to blog about that when all is said and done.