TC the Terrible NOW Saber Squelch

Holy Jesus.

What the fuck?  I don’t know where to start with this one.  Big girl fetishes are ok, I mean to each their own and all that shit.  How in the Sam Hell does a 92 pound guy in his dad’s boxers expect to get any kind of traction with Andre’ the Giant’s kid sister?  Bitch can touch the top of the Motel 6 room!

I’m skipping breakfast breakfast because of this one.

It’s been a while since I did this, but in an age of social networking it was bound to happen sooner or later.

You have to feel at least a little bit sorry for “Steve”.

Taking America back, one angry voter at a time.

I love citizens that understand what’s going on and have the courage to talk about it in public.

Order a whiskey on the rocks and watch their eyes twitch.  Even a single
tumbler of hard liquor - no more or less potent than a glass of Chardonnay or
a bottle of beer - is prone to horrify a drinking companion who’s expended
all of his energy selecting an elegant imported beer.  Hard drinks are the
province of alcoholics and felons, right?  There’s even something unsettling
about the word: whiskey.  It can’t be uttered without a leer or the
implication of damnation.  Repeat it as a mantra: whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
Now you’ve ordered three.

Canadian whiskey and ice is my favorite mixed drink.  Not a complex
combination, but an inspiring one: firewater and ice, silver and gold, purity
and poison.  In a pinch, I’ll settle for a fine Southern bourbon or a
top-drawer Irish whiskey, but habitually I’ll order Canadian Club or Crown
Royal.  Leave the off brands to the indiscriminate drinker - there are plenty
of them.

There are no clear whiskeys.  No whiskey coolers, no whiskey lite, no
non-alcoholic whiskeys.  Whiskey is not a gimmick, it’s booze.  Whiskey isn’t
trendy.  It mixes poorly with fruit juice.  Drinks such as “Sex on the Beach”
come and go, but whiskey is timeless.  Does whiskey go better with steak or
seafood?  Who cares?  Have a couple and it all tastes like chicken.  Whiskey
doesn’t lead to the hard stuff, it is the hard stuff.

Drinking isn’t instinctual, but it is ritualistic.  When the drink is placed
before you, study the color: a little pot of liquid gold.  Swirl the glass
and listen to the ice rattle.  Raise it slowly to your lips and inhale the
pungent fumes before you sip.  Watching ice melt in a glass of whiskey is
like watching the sun set slowly, an 80-proof dusk expressed in amber.

The first taste is like wood-aged kerosene, but by the third sip you’re
weighing the pros and cons of alcoholism.  Unlike th more mixable liquors,
whiskey offers evidence of its poisonous intent as it’s consumed.  It tastes
of hell on ice, but close your eyes as it descends and you’ll be able to see
the pyramids of heaven.

– Burl Gilyard