TC the Terrible

Office Etiquette — Again

It’s been a while since I posted about how normal humans should act in an office. Now it’s time to update the list.

• No means no, even for ex-superstar basketball players. No matter how bad you want to tap that ass you can’t keep talking about it after she turns you down the 14th time. Go work out your issues in your gym sock and get back to fucking up a previously decent team.
• Nobody likes your perfume/cologne as much as you do. Wear too much of that shit and you’ll get canned. A clean body is always better than trying to cover up the odor.
• If you are the new guy in the office don’t talk smack to those of us that actually know what we are doing. We will only let you slide for so long before we bust you out in the middle of an important meeting. It won’t be pretty. Promise.
• Yes I did watch Heroes last night. Thank you for asking. No, I don’t have a goddamn hour to talk about who did Peter’s electric bursts come from, Sylar or Exploding Man? It’s a TV show, this is work. Learn the difference.
• If you work three cubes away from me and I can hear you checking your voice mail on speaker phone, you need your ass kicked. Especially if you keep replaying the same message over and over because you are too dumb to write the caller’s number down the first time.
• If you’re suspected of being racist, don’t prove your doubters right.  Again.
• Only two things are allowed to be sold in any office in America. Girl Scout cookies and Boy Scout popcorn. Not candy bars. Not wrapping paper. Not condoms. Nothing. Else. Bring me a sign up sheet and I’ll break your fingers. I won’t get fired for it either.
• Meeting rooms are for meetings. Thus the name - meeting room. Passage ways are for passing. Funny how that works out.
• When someone is on the phone, it’s damned rude to sit down and start talking to them. You and your needs are not so important that it can’t wait a few extra minutes.
• Back to office sex.  Everyone had tried to get some ass at the office before.  Not a big deal.  Hell, you can even get on the Supreme Court after trying your game in the copy room.  But you have to be discrete.  When one person finds out about it, the entire office will know.

Please don’t make me have to do this again anytime soon.

October 2nd, 2007 Posted by TC the Terrible | Pissed, Random Non-sense | 2 comments

It’s Hard Being Me

Seriously.  I’m not joking.  It really is.

Not just because my job sucks either.  Although I did finally track down my speakers and the jerk that has them swears I’ll get them back after lunch.  Not. Holding. My. Breath.

No it’s hard being me because apparently me and my kind have screwed up the world.   Not only did we screw it up, but colleges are teaching classes on how we screwed it up.  I’m working on a Masters degree in American History and this quarter one of my classes is on American culture.

Three weeks our reading assignment was a book of oral histories from Asian Americans.  It seems that all white people (that’s me) treat Asians like crap and make them feel unwanted.  That was news to me.  Two weeks ago it was a book on why white people are so mean to illegal aliens.  After all, they pay billions of dollars in indirect taxes each year and are willing to cut your grass for cash.  This week it’s all about the Civil Rights movement being nearly killed off by a bunch of whiskey crazed rednecks.

I knew the Indians hated us, and the first week’s reading re-enforced that concept.  I know from the beat downs that I got in Junior High School that there is tension between white people and black people.  Plus, I lived in Memphis for twenty years so I get that.

For all the hatred that I’ve got towards all these races, I’m amazed at how well I’ve been hiding it.  Hell, even I didn’t know how big a bigot I’ve become.  Imagine the shock I’ve been in.

September 25th, 2007 Posted by TC the Terrible | Pissed, Geek, DC Life, Random Non-sense | 2 comments

Six Years Later

Six years since the bad guys were finally able to hit us hard enough to get our attention. And where are we today?

• Our Congress is more worried about how to get the hell out of a war, than they are in winning it.
• People in my office bitched because the boss asked us to observe a moment of silence today. And of course that one moment of quiet was followed by about 30 minutes of conversation about how we shouldn’t be so mean to Arabs.
• The few people asking the salient questions are by the blowhards that wouldn’t be content if they were hung with a gold rope.
• Our best friends are starting quite smear campaigns against us. Just like in the eighth grade.

And the world is a safer place for us today. Yes, there are a lot of people that don’t like us anymore. But there always was those people. And no matter what we did or didn’t do in the Middle East they would still hate us. Unless of course we were giving them cash or pulling their asses out of a fire.

This country doesn’t have the balls for a long war. That’s what it boils down to. When we’re required to have an attention span of more than five seconds we fail miserably. If World War II had lasted another ten months we’d have sued for peace with Hitler.

Don’t believe me? How many of your friends voted in the last local election? How many voted in the last American Idol? Get the idea now?

If it were up to me every news cast would start and end with the video clips of the attack on the World Trade Center. That way all the damned weaklings walking around out there would remember how at risk we are as a nation. But hell, that’s just me. And what do I really know?

September 11th, 2007 Posted by TC the Terrible | Politics, Pissed, News, DC Life, Random Non-sense | 3 comments

A Word on Vick

I’ve been holding off on talking about Michael Vick.  Mainly because it just seemed to obvious to me what was going on and why should I say what everyone else already was?  Besides, I knew that once things came to a head in court Wilbon would do a better job than I ever could.

I agree with most of the pundits and talking heads that Vick got off to a good start yesterday by talking for himself.  The lack of notes, scripts and handlers was a good way to show that we meant what he was saying.  Not simply saying it for the PR benefit down the road.

What I don’t see being addressed is the fact that the things he killed were only dogs.  Not women.  Not kids.  Not somebody that you or I would know.

Dogs.

Animals that don’t have an immortal soul.

I’m not a big lover of dogs.  I don’t own a dog now, but did has a kid.  I took good care of it, loved it, played with it and was crushed when it died, but in the end it was only a dog.  Not a person.  So pardon me if I’m not as outraged as I’m supposed to be that a professional athlete raised fighting dogs and then killed them.  It bothers me more that the league has allowed wife beaters and drunk drivers to continue their professional football careers.

I want to know where all the moral outrage is for that?  Why are we not seeing protests by Mothers Against Drunk Driving in front of the offices of the Cincinnati Bengals?  When a player is accused of domestic abuse where are all the political activists then?  At home in front of their HD flat screen, or up in the stands chugging a beer?  Kill an animal and the world stops revolving.  To me, that’s a crime too.

I don’t condone what Vick did and do think that the way he raised and killed the dogs is sick. Personally I hope he never gets to play another down in the NFL.  He did something he knew was wrong and then he lied to cover it up.  Both of those things should get him banned for at least a year AFTER he gets out of prison.  And no NFL owner should ever be desperate enough to see the benefit of hiring a convicted felon to be his quarterback.

I just don’t get why the nation thinks that is more important than so many other things in this country that deserve our attention.

August 28th, 2007 Posted by TC the Terrible | Pissed, News, Sports, Random Non-sense | one comment