TC the Terrible

Office Grab Ass

I have a confession to make.  I make a living off of your tax dollars.  There I’ve said it, and I feel better now.  Sort of.

Anyway, I had to tell you that to tell you this.  My office is very uptight.  Very serious and has a shit load of rules that can get you canned.  Like the one about not blogging from a company workstation, or blogging about how up tight our office is.  People get fired around here for saying non-PC things.

So imagine my surprise earlier today when I felt a hand on my ass in the stairwell.  I was on the way up when I passed a guy on his way down and he said “Go Giants” and slapped me on the ass.  Only his hand stayed on my ass for about a nano-second too long.  Not that there was a squeeze mind you.  Just a slap.

There’s a couple of problems with this: 1) I hate being touched by people I don’t know well, 2) my ass is not the place for a man’s hand - under any non-medical circumstances 3)  this guy is not a friend of mine.  In fact, I’m not really sure what his name is.  I know that we’ve spoken to each other before and have had a couple of football related conversations in the hallway.  Said conversations being how he knows I’m a Giants fan.  Needless to say I felt dirty and violated (not in a good way) the rest of the day.

Of course I’m not going to report him.  Like I said, this office is way too uptight as it is.  The last thing I need is to be the cause of the entire fucking office having to endure another round of sensitivity and diversity training.

January 15th, 2008 Posted by TC the Terrible | Geek, DC Life | 5 comments

It’s a Sad World - Halloween Edition

Bad news. I don’t have time to hide clever Easter Eggs or modify the logo in honor of Halloween. Here’s the mandatory pumpkin pictures.

Now we can get down to business.

• Who the hell keeps spaming my comments with Xanax for Dogs crap? Look if you have a dog with “unacceptable or dangerous behavior problems” maybe you should look into giving them the Ol’ Yeller treatment. It works every time. Plus, one bullet is much cheaper than a lifetime of pills and vet visits.
• Good news out of Memphis. No, King Willie didn’t fall off the throne. Damnit. The good news is the DA is not likely to press charges. Which is how it should be. Piece of shit thugs that threaten old women with shotguns deserve to be shot. This is an example of how we need to be taking care of business in more places.
• Intelligence and a willingness to make money off of big tits do not go together. FoxNews (fairandbalancednolongerourmotto) is reporting that a Hooters babe left her kid in the car for seven hours while she was passing out hot wings and dick teasing rednecks. Hope it was worth it for her.
• Clearly someone wasn’t listening to Smokey the Bear. A kid with matches. Can we add some chlorine to that end of the gene pool?
• Justice is served. Can you believe that the bad guy finally got what was coming to him? Too bad that it took so long, went so far, and nearly bankrupted the good guy in the process.
• The boys were ganging up on a girl last night. Shame on them. Don’t they know that Hillary is their only chance to get into the White House? And they’ll only get in as her VP? I’m banking on her picking Slick Willy as her running mate.
• First Porter Wagner, then Robert Goulet.  Any man’s death diminishes me, so ask not for whom the belltone.mp3 tolls, it tolls for thee.  With apologies to John Donne.

Enjoy your tricks and treats tonight.  If you come to my place I’ve got bags and bags of candy bars to pass out.  Be warned, if you don’t put any effort into the costume, I’m not putting any effort into the candy.  Big kids in half-assed costumes will be treated to individually wrapped slices of Kraft cheese product, molded wheat bread, or out of date yogurt.

October 31st, 2007 Posted by TC the Terrible | Blog, News, Geek, DC Life, Random Non-sense | one comment

Protein is the New Ramen

Protein bars have become my new Ramen Noodles. Back in the day, when I was single, Ramen Noodles were my chief source of nutrition. Granted it was not a good choice, but at a dime a pack it was something I could afford. My friends (both of them) used to rip on me for having 30 or 40 packs in my pantry on any given day. Ramen and popcorn. That was my lifestyle.

These days I’ve matured a slight bit and my food choices are now markedly better for me. I live on protein bars. They go on sale every couple of weeks at the local Safeway for a dollar each. When they do, put me down for ten. Sometimes twenty. I’ve got at least that many in my desk at the office now. The breakfast versions really don’t go that well with coffee, but it’s not about taste.

It’s about easy and cheap. (Good traits to have in both women and food.) They never go bad and they are loaded with nutrients. Granted they do your digestive tract a severe disservice, but as long as you are comfortable using the restroom at work then it’s all good. I will warn you that eating six protein bars in two days has some nasty side effects. The whole gaseous thing is made worse if you’re washing them down with diet Coke. I’m just sayin.

October 30th, 2007 Posted by TC the Terrible | You Send It - I Post It, Geek, DC Life | 3 comments

Little Johnny

I swear this is not THE BOY. Promise. Really. But I’d be damned proud of him if it was.

October 29th, 2007 Posted by TC the Terrible | Kids, Geek, DC Life, Random Non-sense | no comments