TC the Terrible

Bad news. I don’t have time to hide clever Easter Eggs or modify the logo in honor of Halloween. Here’s the mandatory pumpkin pictures.

Now we can get down to business.

• Who the hell keeps spaming my comments with Xanax for Dogs crap? Look if you have a dog with “unacceptable or dangerous behavior problems” maybe you should look into giving them the Ol’ Yeller treatment. It works every time. Plus, one bullet is much cheaper than a lifetime of pills and vet visits.
• Good news out of Memphis. No, King Willie didn’t fall off the throne. Damnit. The good news is the DA is not likely to press charges. Which is how it should be. Piece of shit thugs that threaten old women with shotguns deserve to be shot. This is an example of how we need to be taking care of business in more places.
• Intelligence and a willingness to make money off of big tits do not go together. FoxNews (fairandbalancednolongerourmotto) is reporting that a Hooters babe left her kid in the car for seven hours while she was passing out hot wings and dick teasing rednecks. Hope it was worth it for her.
• Clearly someone wasn’t listening to Smokey the Bear. A kid with matches. Can we add some chlorine to that end of the gene pool?
• Justice is served. Can you believe that the bad guy finally got what was coming to him? Too bad that it took so long, went so far, and nearly bankrupted the good guy in the process.
• The boys were ganging up on a girl last night. Shame on them. Don’t they know that Hillary is their only chance to get into the White House? And they’ll only get in as her VP? I’m banking on her picking Slick Willy as her running mate.
• First Porter Wagner, then Robert Goulet.  Any man’s death diminishes me, so ask not for whom the belltone.mp3 tolls, it tolls for thee.  With apologies to John Donne.

Enjoy your tricks and treats tonight.  If you come to my place I’ve got bags and bags of candy bars to pass out.  Be warned, if you don’t put any effort into the costume, I’m not putting any effort into the candy.  Big kids in half-assed costumes will be treated to individually wrapped slices of Kraft cheese product, molded wheat bread, or out of date yogurt.

Hello boys and girls, it’s been a while.

The usual excuses all apply. Work has been hectic. I was out of town. I had to wash my hair. My project for school is over due. The server at work has me blocked. And the old favorite, “My head just hurts too bad. Can’t we do this later?”

Each of the above is true. Some more often than others. I’ve been in NY, NJ, and KS since I last posted. All work related. In fact I got back to Dulles from NJ, went to the house, dropped off one bag, picked up another, and was back at Dulles to catch my KS flight in under four hours. Nice.

I did learn a few things while I was out in that weird place called reality.

• NJ smells like ass.
• Hyatt Place hotel rocks. Yes, the rooms really are that cool. I could have stayed there another week. Except NJ smells like ass.
• Nobody ever has an extra blow job laying around that they are willing to share.
• Gay, Asian men, with blond tips on their spiked hair working at the United terminal gates are very entertaining when your flight has been delayed for the third time.
• Portland OR and Portland ME are different places. Some people do not realize this when they get on the airplane. They are pissed when they get off in ME expecting it to be OR. They are more pissed when they have to wait 48 hours to catch a flight that will get them the hell out of ME and on the way to OR.
• New Yorkers, at least on Long Island, are more openly racist towards black people than any Southern I’ve met. And I have met an ass load of good ol’ boys from the South.
• When you flight is finally ready to board after the third delay said gay man at terminal broadcasts over the loud speaker “Who wants to go to Newark today?! Get on over here before they find something else wrong with this mean old plane.” Seriously. That’s a direct quote.
• 19 year old Marines can sleep anywhere, including the floor in front of the terminal ticket counter. And people will step around them instead of waking them up.
• A woman’s vagina contains enough calcium to make a bone grow six inches.
• There are no colder dice tables than the ones in KC, KS. Never, not ever, not even once have I lost money on the dice tables. Get down a couple of bills – sure, but I always make it back before the night is over. Not last week in KC, KS. I only lost a Jackson, so no big deal. It’s just the principal of the thing.
• KS is a boring ass place to visit. Period.

That’s what I’ve been doing instead of posting. Really

My RSS feed provided a lovely gem this morning:

There is no passion like that of a functionary for his function.
- Georges Clemenceau

Truer words have seldom been spoken.   Example.

This weekend I was on a flight to New York and the stewardess busted my balls over my headphones.  It seems that you can’t have your headphones in your ears when the plane is sitting on the taxi way.  For 30 minutes.  She didn’t cover that in her safety speech before we pulled away from the gate.  Not that I heard anyway.

Bitch made a big scene about it though once we out on the tarmac.  She even made a special announcement “for passengers that don’t fly enough to know” that wearing your headphones on the taxi way will cause the plane to crash.   How the hell can we crash before we take off?

If I’m forced to sit next to the smelly guy from Nairobi then at least let me have my tunes.  Or my podcasts in this case.

Since having my headphones in while waiting to take off on the way home was a complete non-issue I have to assume that it was a case of power going to the first stewardess’ head.  After all, it’s not like she’s in a field with a real future and the pay is for shit too.