TC the Terrible

Make sure you read #11
Dear Civilians, ‘We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military.
For those of you who can’t join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas where we would like your assistance:
1. The next time you see any adults talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem – kick their ass.
2. When you witness, firsthand, someone burning the American Flag in protest – kick their ass.
3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while a disabled veteran kicks their ass.
4. If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs) or Jungle Fatigues, telling others that you used to be ‘Special Forces’. Collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay when you were seven years old, now, it will only make you look stupid and get your ass kicked.
5. Next time you come across an *Air Force* member, do not ask them, ‘Do you fly a jet?’ Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an ass-kicking (children are exempt).
6. If you witness someone calling the *US Coast Guard* ‘non-military’, inform them of their mistake – and kick their ass.
7. Next time Old Glory (the US flag) prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her – of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe ass-kicking.
8. ‘Your mama wears combat boots’ never made sense to me – stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore would kick your ass!
9. ‘Flyboy’ (*Air Force*), ‘Jarhead’ (*Marines*), ‘Grunt’ (*Army*), ‘Squid’ (*Navy*), ‘Puddle Jumpers’ (*Coast Guard*), etc., are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Using them could get your ass kicked…
10. Whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that there are literally thousands of soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our Country would get it’s ass kicked.
11. If you ever see anyone singing the national anthem in Spanish – KICK THEIR ASS.
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Life lesson number 1 – Always be careful what you ask for.

Case in point.  A few days ago the post Mayor sent a work crew over to our living area to pull down all the sandbags stacked up next to our Containerized Housing Units, henceforth know as CHUs.  This was a good thing, as they’d been put in years ago and were starting to fall apart from dry rot.

The dust this kicked up was significant.  The entire CHU area was covered in a fine layer of silt.  Some of us were bitching about getting so covered in dust on the way back from the shower that we needed to shower again before we got to our CHU.  We were all moaning that we wished the dust would somehow go away.  Friday night it did.

It went away when the thunderstorms rolled in.  Now, these weren’t big thunderstorms as far as thunderstorms in NoVa go.  Really it was more like a nice shower that kick starts your garden in spring.  But in this shit hole nothing is what it seems.

The fine layer of dust turned to a fine layer of mud.  The mud is sitting on top of hard packed dirt and asphalt with nothing to grip to.  So you end up with a mud slick that slides around under your feet.  And it’s sticky mud. 

Sticky mud that clogs the treads of your boots so that you can actually grow an inch walking less than a hundred yards.  Of course that makes it hard to walk when you finally get to a dry patch of land.  And it’s nearly impossible to stomp it out of your boot treads.  The boot brushes outside of the chow hall or office get clogged after one or two uses.  Trying to use them only cakes more mud onto your boots, which you then track in every building you enter.

The ground at Camp Taji doesn’t absorb water well at all.  Our night and day of spring showers is going to be with us for at least a week.  Unless of course we could have a couple of days in a row with a stiff breeze and temperatures in the low 100s.  That would clear up our mud problem.

But then we’d have dust again.

Yesterday before our staff meeting the chief nurse was talking to our supply guy:

“The only difference between oral and anal is the taste.”

We can only hope she really was talking about thermometers.