TC the Terrible

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her
altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.
She shouted to him,  ”Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I
would meet him an hour ago,
but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air
balloon, approximately 30 feet above a
ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees,
14.97 minutes north latitude and
100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a  Republican.”

“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically
correct. But I have no idea what to do
with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been
much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are
going. You’ve risen to where you are,
due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea
how to keep, and you expect me to
solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in
before we met, but now it’s my fault.

Metro policeman on the Green Line platform last night:

“People move it on to the middle of the train. Let’s pack the car right Nats fans. You not cherry-blossomers. You people know to do this. You live here.”

And before that as the crowd began to build on the platform:

Metro cop – “Sir, you can’t stop there. Keep moving to the other end of the platform.”
Cardinals fan – “Why do I have to move?”
Metro cop – “Because I want you to.”

The Cards fan kept moving. Thus proving that even a drunk will do what he’s told if the person doing the talking has a billy club and pistol.

Sometimes looking at the stats for this site can be frustrating.  I was having problems with spammers, trolls and moles so I quit posting for over six months thinking that would clear the problem.  So, when I come back what are the key words driving most search engines to find this site?

In order:

1.)  Jessica Alba

2.)  Jessica Alba tits/nipples

3.)  Killed by horse sex

4.) Dry humping

With all my brilliant wit and political insight this is what people come here looking for.

Nice.