NICKNAMES

*    If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
*    If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

*    When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it ‘ s only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
*    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

*    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
*    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn ‘ t need but it ‘ s on sale.

BATHROOMS

*    A man has six items in his bathroom:  toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
*    The average number of items in the typical woman ‘ s bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

*    A woman has the last word in any argument.
*    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

*    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
*    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

*    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
*    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

*    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn ‘ t.
*    A man marries a woman expecting that she won ‘ t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

*    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
*    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

*    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
*    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

*    Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
*    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.  There ‘ s no use in two people remembering the same thing!