I’m out of the office for the week. Way out of the office. Hotel rooms in Kansas City, KS are really cheap so we do all of our conferences out here. Since I didn’t get the chance to live blog the Super Bowl for ESPN.com I’d planned to do it from here. But of course there are no wireless connections in the building where we are doing the meeting. Instead I’ll be doing a single post, pretending that its’ a live blog.
0400 – My dumb ass woke up on DC time. At least I can get down to the gym early and beat all of those air heads from Buckle Inc. Yes, my travel guy booked me into the same hotel as the district meeting for a “youth oriented denim motivated” line of clothing. And SAM’s Club is having a regional training session at my hotel too. Based on the party in the hall last night, none of these people have ever been away from home before.
0415 – The hotel gym door is on a time lock. I can’t get in until 0500. Damn.
0420 – The night shift security guard is heading home and takes pity on me. He lets me into the gym. He also gives me directions to the Waffle House. This guy is my newest bestest friend.
0500 – I’m walking out of the gym as the first Buckle-head shows up. She asks me where the sauna is. I grunt and keep moving.
0515 – Back in the room I flip on the local news. Fuck. The temp here yesterday was 64 degrees and sunny. Today’s high is going to be 35. The rain is already here, the sleet hits around lunch. The weather bitch is talking an inch of snow before the evening rush hour is over. Great. Glad I packed a decent jacket.
0630 – Shaving took a while this morning. It’s been three days since I shaved and the sink looks like a badger crawled in it and died. Part of me feels sorry for the illegal that has to clean it. The feeling passes quickly.
0700 – I meet the rest of the crew for breakfast in the hotel restaurant. They rejoice at the news of a nearby Waffle House. Life is good.
0900 – Breakfast kicked ass. Starbucks be damned, nobody on the planet makes better coffee than the Waffle House. Now I’m stuck in meetings for the rest of the day. And I’ve got a seat on the front row so I can’t sleep.
1100 – On the first break I bump into a guy that I was in class with back in 2000. We catch up for about 30 seconds then trade business cards and move on.
1115 – When the hell are we going to break for lunch?
1200 – Lunch. Today that means a number 3 meal from Sonic. An extra long chili-cheese hot dog, large orders of tater tots, and a Route 44 cherry slush. Yes I’m going to be a fat bastard. A very happy fat bastard.
1300 – Back to the briefings. THE BLOWHARD is at the podium. He’s a smart guy, but it takes him an hour to tell you his name. His assistant literally spent the last four months in re-hab because this guy is such an ass to work for. I don’t work for the guy and he drives me to drinking.
1330 – Our “group leader” just announced that the ice/snow storm has moved off to the north. Guess we won’t be cancelling this afternoon’s sessions.
1400 – It’s team building time. Today’s silly game is the one where each team has to build a tower out of drinking straws without talking to each other. The biggest tower wins a prize. For this I came to Kansas City?
1500 – That was fun. One of the speakers got stuck at the airport so instead of having someone that knows what they are talking about, we had the “group leader” read the slides to us. Every word on every slide and stopped after every slide to tell us that she had no idea what the slides meant. This meeting is really making me thirsty for a beer. Or a syringe of heroin.
1530 – Bad news. THE BLOWHARD wants a group of us to have dinner tonight. To talk about work. Not an easy thing to get out of because he’s one of the main motor scooters in our organization. I may have to break my own leg to get out of this.
1645 - Finally broke free from THE BLOWHARD. Missed my ride back to the hotel and had to pay for a cab. Nice.
1745 - Meet up with the other guys for dinner and beers. No casinos this time as I’m still paying off Christmas debt.
2000 - Back at the hotel. The boss man called while we were at dinner. I shoved the call to my voice mail. When I check it he’s got a hot project for me. Nice.
2015 - Call THE WOMAN. She refuses to talk dirty to me because the kids are still awake. Damn it. I’m going to bed.
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