Bad news. I don’t have time to hide clever Easter Eggs or modify the logo in honor of Halloween. Here’s the mandatory pumpkin pictures.

Now we can get down to business.

• Who the hell keeps spaming my comments with Xanax for Dogs crap? Look if you have a dog with “unacceptable or dangerous behavior problems” maybe you should look into giving them the Ol’ Yeller treatment. It works every time. Plus, one bullet is much cheaper than a lifetime of pills and vet visits.
• Good news out of Memphis. No, King Willie didn’t fall off the throne. Damnit. The good news is the DA is not likely to press charges. Which is how it should be. Piece of shit thugs that threaten old women with shotguns deserve to be shot. This is an example of how we need to be taking care of business in more places.
• Intelligence and a willingness to make money off of big tits do not go together. FoxNews (fairandbalancednolongerourmotto) is reporting that a Hooters babe left her kid in the car for seven hours while she was passing out hot wings and dick teasing rednecks. Hope it was worth it for her.
• Clearly someone wasn’t listening to Smokey the Bear. A kid with matches. Can we add some chlorine to that end of the gene pool?
• Justice is served. Can you believe that the bad guy finally got what was coming to him? Too bad that it took so long, went so far, and nearly bankrupted the good guy in the process.
• The boys were ganging up on a girl last night. Shame on them. Don’t they know that Hillary is their only chance to get into the White House? And they’ll only get in as her VP? I’m banking on her picking Slick Willy as her running mate.
• First Porter Wagner, then Robert Goulet.  Any man’s death diminishes me, so ask not for whom the belltone.mp3 tolls, it tolls for thee.  With apologies to John Donne.

Enjoy your tricks and treats tonight.  If you come to my place I’ve got bags and bags of candy bars to pass out.  Be warned, if you don’t put any effort into the costume, I’m not putting any effort into the candy.  Big kids in half-assed costumes will be treated to individually wrapped slices of Kraft cheese product, molded wheat bread, or out of date yogurt.