I understand that there are times when regular toilet paper is just not enough. Sometimes you’re sick, or that Mexican feast you inhaled comes out in a bad way, so sure. You need the extra cleaning that baby wipes provide.

But I don’t understand this.

It’s hard to tell from the picture, but the Pampers contain “calming Lavender”. I guess that’s for butt-holes that are upset by having crap come out of them. And the Clorox wipes are interesting too. The top bottle is the “sanitizing wipes” that kill 99% of all germs in 30 seconds. That’s probably a good thing, but I don’t want to keep the wipe on my ass for a full thirty seconds. Do you? The bottom bottle claims to kill flu germs and viruses. Please don’t tell me how your ass can have the flu. I really don’t want to know.