TC the Terrible NOW Saber Squelch

No, I’m not talking about the fact that I had to take a day out of school to come back to the office and put out forest fires.  I’m referring to the Dyson DC14 Animal vacuum cleaner I bought yesterday.  This thing sucks up more dirt, dust, and lint than anything I’ve ever seen before.

If Freakdaddy were to use it the same way he uses a Shop-Vac, it’d suck his damned junk right off.  No shit.  It’s that good.

Of course I’m going to hell now for giving Freak a new way to spend his Friday nights.

Need I say anything else?

It’s a good thing that I got an extra day off this Memorial Day weekend.  I don’t think I could have made it in today.

THE WOMAN and I had our first cook out at the new place this past Sunday.  Of course just as the guests started to arrive the fucking bottom fell out of the sky.  Thankfully we only had a few couples (and all of their kids) over so we had room for everyone inside.  I cooked the steaks, veggies, dogs, and other stuff in the downpour.  But that was cool because I had my golf umbrella and that at least kept the meat dry.

We went thru a ton of beer and scotch.  Well, at least a ton for old married people that had to go home at the end of the night.  All in all it was a good night.  But I paid for it the next morning.

The neighbors in the cove had a group cook out yesterday too.  But it was no fun for us.  Everyone else there have been friends for years so we were left out of most of the conversations and in-jokes.  Plus, the guy doing the cooking burned the shit out of the burgers and dogs.  The beer was all that cheap Bud and Miller crap, plus some funky assed wine coolers.  We have got to raise the standards around here.

I understand that there are times when regular toilet paper is just not enough. Sometimes you’re sick, or that Mexican feast you inhaled comes out in a bad way, so sure. You need the extra cleaning that baby wipes provide.

But I don’t understand this.

It’s hard to tell from the picture, but the Pampers contain “calming Lavender”. I guess that’s for butt-holes that are upset by having crap come out of them. And the Clorox wipes are interesting too. The top bottle is the “sanitizing wipes” that kill 99% of all germs in 30 seconds. That’s probably a good thing, but I don’t want to keep the wipe on my ass for a full thirty seconds. Do you? The bottom bottle claims to kill flu germs and viruses. Please don’t tell me how your ass can have the flu. I really don’t want to know.