TC the Terrible

Redneck 911 Call

You have to be careful when talking to a redneck. The tend to take things literally and do exactly as the voices tell them to.

January 30th, 2007 Posted by TC the Terrible | Geek, Random Non-sense | no comments

Office Etiquette

Monday.  Again.  Damn.  Does this cycle ever end?

None of us really want to be in the office on a Monday morning, especially after two days of being a bum.  But alas, if I want to make the mortgage (and I do) every month then I have to get my lazy ass in here.  And since I have to be here there are some rules that need to be observed.

1. Don't yell "WAAAAZZZZZUUUUUPPPP!" for the first thirty minutes of your work day.  That shit got old about ten years ago.  If you miss your cube mates that much then perhaps the four of you should consider communal living arraignments.
2. I'm really glad that some of you actually use the toilet seat covers that the company provides.  But please, when you are done with yours don't leave it on the seat for the next guy.  That's not being nice, it's being a lazy ass wipe.
3. Conversation over one cube wall is acceptable if you keep it brief.  A ten minute discussion, involving multiple people, spanning five cubes is the reason the conference room was invented.  Try using one.
4. If no one has ever offered you a record deal, don't sing as you walk down the halls.
5. The restroom is the one place that it is permissible to make strange noises with your bodily functions.  This does not mean that you should make comments on the volume/quality/cause of the noise.  If it's not a noise that you made, then you damn sure need to keep all comments and remarks to yourself.
6. Those of us that are working do not have time to look at the Dilbert that you think is so damn funny.
7. When I put on my noise canceling headphones that is a hint that you should shut up.
8. I am not your therapist.  If you really want me to listen to your problems you have to ply me with booze or promises of sex.
9. My red Swingline stapler is mine.  Touch it and I'll file a report, then burn the building down.
10. When our boss gives you a hard job don't bitch and moan about the fact that none of us are begging to do it for you.  He gave it to you so you would have something on your desk besides your lunch. 

There.  I feel better now.

–
TC

_____________________________

January 29th, 2007 Posted by TC the Terrible | Random Non-sense | 5 comments

You Send It - I Post It

This is the ultimate funeral.

DEAD in his favorite chair (reclined), remote (in hand) AND the football game is ON!

Oh yeah, don't miss the new silky pjs, slippers and beer! And are those a pack of Newports in his ashtray??? Just when you thought you've seen everything …. and yes, this is a regular commercial funeral home.

Some guys have all the luck.

–
TC

January 26th, 2007 Posted by TC the Terrible | You Send It - I Post It | 4 comments

What’s Next, Photon Torpedoes?

I want one of these. Really.

Hell, I want one bad enough to go back to basic training if Uncle Sugar would promise that I’d get to play with one. I’m glad to see the Army developing something like this. Now our soldiers can screw with the bad guys and all the bleeding heart wimps in Congress won’t feel bad about it.

Calling it an “active denial system” doesn’t change the fact that this thing is the next step on the road to Starfleet. We already have communicators that clip to our belts (cell phones), shuttle craft, and power hungry guys that are willing to screw anything on two legs. Somebody at DARPA is bound to be working on the transporter and tractor beams.

I wonder if the beams can be turned up enough to make men sterile. That would be one way to win the War on Terror, just fry their nuts and keep them from having more little terrorists bastards running around. Imagine being able to shoot the stronger beams through walls and force the bad guys out into the street where it would be easier to shoot them with regular bullets.

I’m betting that the smaller version hits the streets by 2012, with the hand held coming in 2014.

January 25th, 2007 Posted by TC the Terrible | News, Geek | 3 comments