Stolen from the DCist article a year ago. With spring here and all of those quiant out of towners clogging our embattled but beloved Metro system it is time to run this again. With some of my own additions of course.

Here’s what I think needs to be added to the list.

Number 7. Restrain your children. They do not need to bounce around like the God-less heathens you have raised them to be. Apparently some of you think that children are allowed to behave like wild apes as long as they are not in their zip code of origin. Some mean people live here. Piss them off and they will squish your babies in front of your eyes.

Number 8. Know where you are going before you get on. We are not your tour guides and we are not in the mood to help your lost ass out.

Number 9. You are going to be touched while you are on the train. Over 700,000 people ride Metro everyday. There is no way to not touch each other. When you are on the Orange line between 4:00 and 8:00 in the afternoon you will understand why we call it the “Orange Crush”. The ugliest girl has a chance of getting felt up on the Orange Crush during peak hours. The bumps and touches are not personal either enjoy it or take a cab.

Number 10 Get out of the hell out of my way. You may be on vacation but the rest of us have places to be. Your fat ass standing by the doors of the train or at the end of an escalator can cause me to be late. I am more important than you are simply because I live here. If you don’t understand that, you don’t need to be here with the rest of your obese family on vacation.