From an article in the Feb ’04 issue of the Texas Travesty. . .

TEHRAN, IRAN – In an unprecedented move Tuesday, the sovereign nation of Iran announced an end to a rhetorical battle with the United States that had been ongoing since the American-led invasion of Iraq last year. In a press conference Tuesday afternoon, President Mohammad Khatami-Ardakani, with the support of Iran’s Council of Ministers, cited an awareness of the United States’ military capabilities as well as an “overwhelming desire to survive” as key factors in the decision. Khatami-Ardakani also announced that Iran would agree to all of the United States’ demands “no matter how demeaning or unnecessary.” Issued carte blanche, U.S. State Department officials published a list of demands that includes changing the country’s name to England Two, a non-stop television broadcast of Dallas, and a noogie session for Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Hoseini-Khamenei administered by actor Bill Murray. Speaking on behalf of his nation, President Khatami-Ardakani expressed disdain for what he perceives to be a “flagrant disregard” of international sovereignty. “We saw what happened to governments installed by the U.S. during the Cold War,” said Khatami-Ardakani, “and we don’t want to get our asses kicked to the curb. We weren’t that adamant in our beliefs anyway.”