If you are going to be a man, you have to know how to cook over fire. Cooking over fire means at some point you have to know how to cook ribs. So I’m here to teach your sorry ass how to do just that.
Ribs are simple, but easy to fuck up. I’ve attached a picture of my grill to help you understand my instructions. The fire box is the smaller one on the left, the cooking area is on the right.
Ribs on Saturday start on Friday. You’ll need a good dry rub. I get mine from this place in the Memphis ghetto. Call them, they won’t send you any, but they’re great people to talk to. Anyway. Friday afternoon you need to buy St. Louis ribs at Costco or a butcher shop. Don’t get the smaller baby back ribs. They’ll dry out doing it my way. Apply tons of dry rub on Friday night to both sides of the ribs. Put them on a cookie sheet and shove them in the fridge.
Next, soak hickory chunks in water overnight. Don’t use the chips as they don’t produce much smoke and burn hot. The smoke is where a big part of your flavor will come from.
Also, you need to buy beer Friday night.
Early – I mean early – Saturday morning wake up and get the fire going in the firebox. To have ribs ready at six pm you start the fire at five am. I use the chunk charcoal instead of briquettes. It burns easier and will hold temperature much better. Let the flames die down and the charcoal start to ash up before you close the box.
Before you close the firebox throw a couple of those wet hickory blocks on the coals. They will start smoking soon. Go inside and take the ribs out of the fridge. You’ll want them to get up to something near room temperature. When the heat in the cooking area gets around 225 degrees you’re ready to get started.
Drink a beer.
Put the ribs on the racks in the cooking area while you’re having that beer. Put the fat side down and shut the lid. Finish your beer before you go back in. Cook yourself some breakfast and leave the dishes in the sink. You’re cooking ribs and can’t do everything around the house today.
Have another beer. Putz around in the yard/garage for a bit. Check the temperature on the gauge. If it’s starting to drop, and it might after you the meat, add some more coals and hickory. It’s important to keep lots of smoke going early in the process. The meat absorbs when it’s first on the grill. Also pisses off the neighbors that you didn’t invite over to eat tonight. Be careful to keep the heat down to less than 250 degrees for the whole process.
Have a beer.
Check the temperature again. You’ll need to do this at least once an hour, or every time you’re asked to do something around the house.
Don’t check the meat often. It’ll dry out. Don’t flip the ribs until they are sweating like a whore in church on top. Flip them when they’re ready.
Have a beer. Check the heat. Add some hickory.
Mow the yard, but don’t forget to check the temperature in the cooking area.
Have a beer. Go inside and bitch about something trivial. Then ask if she can smell the ribs. Fill a chest with ice and beer. Take it outside.
Have a beer.
Keep this pattern up for about eight to nine hours. By then you should have flipped the ribs four, maybe five times. You’ll have added fuel to the fire a few times as well. Main thing is to keep the heat consistent and keep everyone else away. Keep drinking beer.
The ribs are done when you can lift the middle bone with your finger and the meat falls freely from the bone. Pull them from the cooker and let them rest for at least half a fresh beer.
Have a couple of the end ribs in peace out on the deck. Finish your beer.
Take the ribs in and accept the praise from family and friends.
If you need help with any of this call me. I’ll come over and drink your beer.